Child Sexual Abuse
Good day ma, I am disturbed by this issue of child sexual abuse that is very common in our society today. I am a working mum with two gorgeous young girls who look older than their age. My question is what should I look out for and how do I prepare my children on ways to protect themselves against sexual abuse.
Name Withheld. Lagos
Thanks for sharing your worries; I must commend you because a lot of parents feel the same way, searching for the same answer. Here is it let us first define what child sexual abuse is so that everyone will have a clear picture. Child sexual abuse is any form of sexual activity on a minor, from 0-17 years old male or female, it could be physical, emotion and mental. It will shock you that some abusers are fully into children no matter the age. These perpetrators are called pedophile, they could be anyone. They are sexually attracted to children between 0-13yeras old; an act that is not acceptable at all must be treated with all seriousness. This psychological disorder such a person is sick and must seek the help of a counselor. Note a pedophile is not a stranger or an unknown person in most cases; they are trusted known person with good manners accepted by the family. Every parent want to protect their children therefore here are some helpful tips to assist parents /guardian to identify a pedophile;
They are known and trusted person not a stranger.
They are very friendly, generous with gifts and time; always ready to help baby sit your children.
They have their way with children and children term to love them easily or get along with them quickly; this is regarded as grooming signs.
They use gifts and special language to make children feel special.
They seek jobs or work in places where it easy to access children; children section in churches, mosques, schools, homes, organsations.
They are into child pornography and they rather are in the company of children than fellow adults.
They also look out for vulnerable children; special needs
Parents and guardians should protect their children against abusers who are everywhere looking for children to defile. Parents should be very observant and must not take any of the above or other signs for granted because the children in your care are your responsibility to protect by all course, yes people will say only God Almighty protects, that’s true but God expect us human to play our part in doing what we are meant to do. Statistics have shown that one in every four girls have been sexually abused while one in every two boys have experience one form of abuse. Parents/ guardians must know that their first assignment is their family, how they raise and protect their children, who have been giving to them by God to be the care takers on earth because on the last day each of us are going to give account to God whether our biological children or not the role we played as parents or guardians. Going to work for the family is good after all, their needs should be provided but parents should not lose sight of the main issue which is raising the children in a safe environment. At this point I will like to also touch on some effects of children sexual abuse for everyone to understand the level of damage sexual abuse does to a child, male or female if not handle properly especially for those who cover up or don’t report the act for some unacceptable reasons like; protecting family name or member, shame and disgrace just to mention a few. They forget to think about the victims, what they have to go through for the rest of their lives because of the sexual abuse done to them. The effect of sexual abuse on children and teenagers can be so deep and wide that therapy can take several sessions before we start to see a bit of light. Some of the effects are as follows: physical injury; bruises, bleeding, swollen in the genital, torn or stain underclothes, pain in the private, infections, pregnancy.
Guilt and shame; victim see the sexual abuse as their fault, self blame. Shame is a cousin to emotion of guilt. While guilt focuses on a person’s act, shame points to a person‘s self. Since sexual abuse is an invasion of a person, it is automatically followed by an overwhelming sense of shame. This can make them feel worthless which can affect their mental health as they get older. Post –traumatic stress disorder can lead to depression if not treated. Relationships can also be affected because of the abuse experience in childhood some victims find it difficult to keep or maintain a steady relationship, trust become a huge challenge for some victims. Some turn out to be promiscuous.
In addition, family members are not left out in the effect, during my course of counseling on child sexual abuse; I discover that some parents feel so guilty and shame of the abuse that their only way of getting on is by changing their attitude towards the child. Some show care and support while some find it hard to love the child. Child sexual abuse relatives need to also book for counseling alongside with the child because they need to know how to take care of their child now and how to take care of their mental health as well.
Ways to protect children against sexual abuse is another important aspect that must not be neglected;
Sex education must be taught from home before schools; parents /guardian must be the first to talk to their children about sex education. The common question is always when should I start talking to my children about sexuality, start talking when they begin to talk, tell them according to their age don’t wait for them to get old because if you don’t talk friends will talk, the media will talk and wrong information will be giving to them so start the conversation by teaching them their body parts; calling the right names and their function. Tell them it is private and nobody can touch them, encourage them to tell mummy, daddy once anybody says or touches them. Build their confident and reassure them that you will always believe them. Tell them not to keep secret with anyone. Teach safety in and outside the home. Encourage them to speak out if anyone makes them feel uncomfortable at any time. Teach them boundaries, when to shout if they have to and how to respect other people’s boundaries as well. Children are special blessings from Almighty God, as parents/guardian we must love them, nurture and protect them. The necessary information about their sexuality must be giving to them because knowledge is power. Take care of yourself and each other.
