In continuation with part 1 we will be looking at more useful counsel on why it is necessary to forgive and forget, sometimes we find it difficult to let go despite the fact that we claim to have forgiven our offender. Like some people will say, I can forgive but I cannot forget. Genuine forgiveness and giving up resentment go hand in hand. Real forgiveness requires three things; understanding the other’s experience and feelings, being compassionate to others and accepting others as they are. To forget what was said or the action that was carried out, or pretend that it never happened is not true because the word or action indeed took place so for you to let go which is regarded forgetting, the following steps should be put into consideration; talk about how the word or action has affected you, it could be your friend, your family member, your worker and find out what made him or her say or do what hurt you. Make your message clear; pour out your emotion freely. Avoid violence because it is not the best way of resolving issue, don’t be in denial, and tell the person your pain, bitterness, and resentment. On the other hand if writing issue down will make you feel better why not do so. The main issue here is that you need to let it out from your mind so that you can get rid of the whole issue faster and move on. Because the sooner you forgive and let go the better for you as a person. As a matter of fact forgiveness is really an act of will, you making up your mind to forgive the offender even before they ask for your forgiveness. And this can only take place when you put certain steps into consideration, which are as follows; first is to acknowledge that others have also forgiven your offences as well. Once you realize this, forgiving your offender might come easier. Next step is to release the person from your mind it might be emotional which involves mental bundling up all hostile feelings and throwing them behind you.
This can be achieved in two ways either by meeting face to face or by using a substitute possibly sharing the issue with someone who will help you put things right with your offender. Acceptance must not be excluded, accepting others as they are and releasing them from any responsibility to meet your needs should also be considered. Learn not to expect more from people so that you will not be disappointed by their actions. Certain people can make or destroy your day depending on the level of attention you give to their action or utterance. However when you decide as an act of will to forgive, you absolve your offender of any responsibility to meet your expectations. In addition, you must see the person as tools in your life to assist your growth. Experience they say is the best teacher, it also helps you understand and appreciate boundaries. The last thing that must be considered is the aspect of reconciliation; regardless of how you go about it, restoration after forgiveness is vital and you must ask God to restore the lost good relationship you once shared with this person. Furthermore, several things will occur once the forgiveness process is completed; first effect is that all the negative feeling about your offender will disappear completely and you start seeing the person in a different form. Henceforth, you find it simple to accept your offender without feeling the need to change them. Being willing to understand people for who they are and be able to tolerant their strength and weaknesses. Finally your concern should be more about the person not his or her action so no matter the pain, whatever the situation, you must learn to get involve with the process of forgiving others and find out what it means to let go and be free. Take care of yourself and each other.
