Dear Harriet, I am hurting badly, I just can’t forgive him for what he did, it is so hard for me to let go. Please help me. ( Amaka- Lagos.)
Thanks for sharing your situation; it is not that easy to open up when it comes to emotional issues so I must commend you for your text message because some people in your situation will try dealing with it on their own instead of seeking help. From every indication it must have been a very painful experience although details of the offence are not given here. Holding on to grudge and revengefulness works like a deadly poison that can destroy the general well being and mind of a person. Not been able to face anger and confront bitterness issues (whether from a loved one, colleague, relative and so on) people allow an unforgiving behaviour to cause much distress within their soul. However it might sound impossible or irrational, let’s face it, forgiveness is the most difficult issue to tackle in one’s heart. The reason is simply because afflicted person believe that he or she have every cause to loathe their offender. Forgetting that by refusal to forgive and let go, you might feel you are fine by it without knowing that the experience is only a temporal feeling of peace, a momentary taste of satisfaction and contentment for a while to prove your suppose strength and ability to forge on with life leaving the offender behind. As a matter of fact, forgiveness is a choice; conscious decision. Note it is a personal decision to let go of the pain, bitterness that the action has caused. Forgiveness makes you feel relief, it’s like a heavy weight has been lifted off your heart. Don’t forget when you bear grudges you are actually the person that is putting his/her health in danger, therefore when you forgive, you are helping yourself; it make way for kindness and compassion. Reduce anxiety, stress and hostility. It also helps to reduce the intake of alcohol and abusive substances to easy of the painful, hurt or situation. Forgiving the person does not make the offence right or that you accept the wrong action instead it is a way of peace with yourself and the person. The choice a person makes can affect the rest of his or her life. There are so many people who have been burdened with an unforgiving heart, a heart that feel the same way you feel at the moment because of the magnitude of the offence this will affect other aspect of their lives because they did not deal with the issue properly. In addition some people view forgiveness as an agreement or settlement, forgetting that genuine forgiveness is not a truce but a pardon. Aforementioned, the person is not agreeing rather he or she is releasing; forgiveness benefits the offended person more than the offender. That is to say once forgiveness is offered it means the problem is totally handed over to God Almighty and the person offering forgiveness is released to freedom. You might feel, why are we sounding religious, yes we are of different belief or religion but one thing is certain God created us and put us in the world we live in having to deal with people with different characters and attitude, it is only wise for us to live according to the way he instructed us, knowing that forgiveness is a major aspect we are ask to practice. Moreover, another important fact to understand is that forgiveness releases a person from the role of being a victim. There is no way to hold an offender hostage in your mind because the only one being held captive is the one who is unwilling to offer forgiveness. He or she is kept there by his or her emotions. Furthermore, the common perception about forgiveness is that some people feel that a person must go to them personally and declare their forgiveness. Pronouncing our forgiveness to someone who has not first solicited it sometimes causes more problems than it solves. Therefore, forgiveness is a much more involved issue than just putting time between us and the event. It is actually a process that involves understanding our own forgiveness and how it applies to those people who have caused us pain. To be continued. Take care of yourself and each other
A problem shared is a problem half solved.
