Dear Harriet, I am a father of three gorgeous teenage daughters with a son of 21 years. This story of abduction, violation or sexual abuse that is rampant in our society today is really giving me course to worry. The level of insecurity on our children especially girl child in the land today is very scary. The recent case of a 14 years old girl for example bleeds my heart because I have a daughter of same age. Please what advice can you give to parents on how to protect their children from abusers and how can parents help an abused child?
Name with held. Lagos.
Thanks for your text message, it will interest you to know that you are not alone on this issue of abduction, violation or sexual abuse on children; most of the messages received were same as yours. In today’s world raising up children is not a piece of cake, nothing can prepare you for being a parent, it is an aspect of life that is most challenging, It test your nerves, your emotion, your strength and at times your sanity. you start with the different stages of child development, just when you think you have got one phase of childhood cracked they grow a bit older and it is a whole new game altogether. Some parents at this point gets confused, not knowing how to relate with their children, some shy away from their responsibilities which makes it difficult for them to understand their children, while some parents are in closer relationship with their children as a result they find it much easier to impact the necessary family values that they need to grow up as responsible adult which will be of great benefit to the family and the society at large. some people believe that parenting skills should come naturally but sometimes we all need a bit of help I suppose that is why parenting skills are something we learn not something we are born with. Protecting children from abusers is to understand as a parent the forms of sexual abuse (touching and none touching) and that abusers often do not use physical force but may use play, deception, threats or other forms of coercion to engage children and maintain their silence. Abusers in most cases are not strangers but people that are close to the family that cannot be suspected. This information is necessary because only when you as a parent is knowledgeable about these issues that you can effectively relate it to your children. Like the saying goes, you can only give what you have. Talking to children early about sexuality, relationships and sex will help them to be able to face all the challenges that are related to it. Today’s children are expose to so many information about sexuality, relationships and sex, so if parents don’t give the right information they will definitely pick up messages from their friends, internet, smart phones, television and magazines. However this information in most cases is misleading, inaccurate and confusing. Therefore, sex education remains an important job for parents. Research over time have also showed that young people would like their mum, dad, or guardian to be the first person to talk to them about their body changes, feelings, relationship and sex. Parents should not leave their children without supervision as the relate with people, teach children how to set boundaries in interacting with people, make your children your best friends. Keep your door open for discussion at all times and learn to be a good listener because children love it when you listen and trust them. Always reassure them that you have their back. Only with effective communication skill can you be able to guide and guard your children. Avoid talking down on them but instead shower your children with love so that they don’t go seeking love outside the home, hug them, praise them, build their self confident, encourage them to be bold and out spoken, not to be timid. Furthermore, Child abuse can be very traumatic for the child and parents, and if not handle properly can affect the child in other aspect of life. Some people for instance behave in a certain way because of what happen to them when they were younger. Parents of a child who have gone through this horrible experience must understand that their help is highly needed for the healing and recovery of their child. This is not the time for blame and accusation, yes you will feel pain, you will ask yourself many questions without answer but does it solve the issue at hand, the answer is no so the way forward is to help the child pick up the pieces and learn to look forward to a better and brighter future; A clear understanding of how an abducted, violated or abuse child feels after a traumatic experience will help the parent in supporting their child through recovery process. Sexual abuse can be a lonely and frightening experience. Victims may be left feeling shocked, confused and overwhelmed. They might find themselves unprepared to deal with the many thoughts and emotions that arise. Some will find it difficult to sleep, eat, mingling with people, life on its own might pose worthless, some feel detached from themselves while some will seize to find happiness in what they use to enjoy, these are normal reactions that parents must be aware of so as to have a clear picture of the situation. Seeking professional help is a good step to take as well because the counselor will be able to take the victim through the necessary healing and recovery process which is very important. A lot has happen to the victim whether abducted or abused so every help available must be given to restore normality in the life of the victim. Finally parents must learn to report abused cases no matter who, be it family member or a close friend. speak and fight for your children by reporting to the necessary authority, having every evidence that is required ( medical report from a government hospital) so that the abuser face the law for his/her wicked act that was carried out on an innocent child. The protection and care of children must be taken seriously by parents or guardian therefore break the silence and speak out, for help is available
SAY NO TO SEXUAL ABUSE, SAY NO TO RAPE!
