Dear Harriet, I am 45 years old married man with children. Please I need your counsel on family problems. Thanks (Mr. James y. Lagos.)
Family problem come in all shapes and size; some are short-lived and easily managed, while other are more chronic and difficult to handle, some are just temporal faces that goes in no time, if only families learn to be patient and perceive. As the saying goes, there is no perfect family that is why each family develops its own ways of coping with the various stresses like illness and injury, changing jobs, unemployment, financial difficulties and so on. Unsuccessful coping can be recognized by a number of characteristic as follows; poor communication, poor problem-solving, poor division of duties, lack of emotional support, differences, over-dependency on others, chronic crises. Poor interaction; is one common problem that exist within the family. Could be that family members either avoid talking with one another due to past encounter or have not learned to listen well to what others are trying to say through their words, expressions or actions. As a matter of fact a situation where conflicts and disagreements are not resolve, poses as a problem to the family; this usually occurs when family members avoid discussing problems or even avoid admitting that there is a problem in the first place.  Impression like this extends conflicts- which, causes some discomfort and unhappiness. Some families still have not learn  the skill of negotiating or, for some other reason, cannot let go of bad or hurt feelings with little or no regard on how this action can affect the members of the family bearing in mind that  Children on their own, pattern their attitude after their parent’s bahaviour. In addition, inability to settle differences within the family can also pose as a huge problem; for example in a situation where family members are finding it difficult on deciding what problems really exist or who is responsible, the choice for working out the problem and how the family can agree upon an option and act on it can be a challenge. There may not be an agreement on what the priorities are within the family in the process. Another aspect that poses as a problem in a family is the area of poor division of responsibilities; families often decided how family responsibilities will be shared among family members. When situation like this occurs the life of the family become completely confused and many things are not accomplished. At the other extreme, some families are not flexible at all and family members do not help one another out or fairly reassign responsibilities as family circumstances changes. However cases insufficient emotional support is not left out as a problem facing the family; families are, especially for children the most important source of emotional support. During the middle years children for instance believe that their emotional support should come from their family, a situation where it is not available they then start seeking for it outside the family, which as a result put them in danger. Note children do not perform or develop well without their family support. Lack of individual differences; families function best when the individuality of each family member is acknowledged and appreciated. Personal traits and characteristics are to be highly valued, each family member needs to tolerate and respect individual traits, and lack of this can lead to serious problem in the family. When family members withhold love from one another because of family differences, children as members of the family are most likely to have difficult time developing a healthy self-image, and they will have low self-esteem and limited poor social skills. Complete reliability on others; children need to succeed in order to feel capable of successfully managing life’s stress and challenges. If they are taught or encouraged to depend on others (within the family or outside it) to solve their problems will be a difficult issue, it also limit their ability to challenge themselves. Low self –esteem is one common factor that is attached to over-dependency on others. As a matter of fact, this is one common problem the family suffers. Habitual Crises; families who have some of the above characteristic are likely to have trouble coping with life’s inevitable crises. In these families even relatively simple problems are not resolved but take on the appearance and feel of major dilemmas. thus by their lack of successful coping skills these families create additional difficulties for themselves and go from crisis to crisis, with little relief and little pleasure from life or from one another. Although we all strive for perfection, there is no perfect family. Each family has its own strengths and weaknesses, assets and liabilities, challenges and problems. If your family seems overwhelmed with problems or if there is breakdown in relationships within your family, it is probably time for professional aid. As parents or guardians your task is to meet the multiple demands of the family with energy and creativity. By so doing, you will enable your children to grow and develop in a positive, healthy way in order to experiences self-fulfillment.              A problem shared is a problem half solved.
