Hello dear Harriet, I was happy to read your article on THE NATION NEWSPAPER of January 10th 2015. You wrote about how to be ready for relationship. Pardon my English, I am a young Cameroonian (French speaking) from central state but living now in the west state in a small town called Bafoussam. The newspaper was used to tie a wine bottle I bought in a small shop. When reading, it was an interesting topic. I have a problem of self confidence, particular when speaking to people. Can you give me some advice how to manage it? Where did you learn all these things? I will be happy to read your article again soon. Best regards. (Michard. Cameroon.)
it is fascinating to know how you got to read about the article on The Nation newspaper for the first time, thanks for sending us an email, we are very grateful. Self confidence is a major challenge, some people have lost confidence in themselves and others, while some have lost confidence in their work, and as a matter of fact it is a major problem in our society today. Before we give out tips on how to deal with self confidence it will be nice to actually mention self awareness. This can be regarded as how we see our self (perception) could be from words said about us by people around us, which in most cases influences our attitude, behavior, motivations and emotional status. However, lack of self confidence can be trace from childhood in most situations. The way a child is raised will definitely affect the way he or she sees herself.  A child for instance that is constantly called names by his parents without parental affection or encouragement will definitely grow up with low self esteem as an adult  such people will have no confidence in themselves. This is the main reason why parental positive involvement is important to helping a child form an accurate healthy self perception. Another reason for lack of self confidence could be as a result of the way a person thinks about himself. Abuse on the other hand whether Physical, verbal, emotional or sexual if not treated properly can lead to lack of self confidence and one of the consequences can cause a person to develop unhelpful behavior as a way of coping which might pose as a huge problem on the long term making life more difficult. The good news is that self confidence is something you can build on your own once you put your heart to it. The first step is for you to pick out your negative thoughts, take for example if you always say I cannot do it, they will not listen to me talk; I cannot express myself or I am not good enough. To build your self confidence is to change your thoughts instead of negative thinking, start thinking positively about yourself; see yourself as an achiever ; someone who can do things, who can express himself and will be understood.  Appreciate the fact that you are made great, in good health, loved by God. You need to love yourself and be happy with yourself because no matter your challenge in life there are lots of people who wish to be like you. Always have this attitude in terms of conversation that you really can make a meaningful contribution, do not feel intimidated by anybody. Think and Say something nice about yourself daily. In addition surround yourself with people who have positive attitude to life; maintain a good relationship with those friends or family members who will keep your perspective uplifted. Stay away from those friends that kill your self esteem, those who look down at you, those who belittle you at every given opportunity they have, those who always spot out your weaknesses and never compliment your strength, I mean those who make you feel bad about yourself. Next on the agenda is for you to identify what you are good at, everyone is good at something, so the question is your talent, what do you enjoy doing. Therefore once you are able to identify your gift, develop it and strive for excellence. You can do anything if you set your heart to it. When you follow your passion not only will it have a therapeutic effect you will feel unique and accomplished and this will help you build your self confidence. Learn not to allow fear take over your thoughts, be of good courage to try things, have an open mind. Never be afraid to try, again, and again when you fail because all the great people of today have failed in one way or another but what made them successful today is that they did not quit. Furthermore, is for you to take pride in yourself apart from your talents and the skills you have acquired, there are other things that contributed to your personality, take a good look at them as well, for instance could be that you are a very caring person, you are a good listener, or that your happy nature makes people around you happy. May be you are one of those who work better understand stress, these are some qualities that we take for granted but they are actually admirable qualities that anyone who possesses should be proud of. Moreover, learn not to compare yourself to anybody but instead learn to set realistic goals. Don’t forget to take up exercise; it is a good way of feeling really happy.  Self confidence is extremely important in almost every aspect of our lives, and people who lack it will find it difficult to achieve their goals if not treated properly so in case you find it tough to handle don’t hesitate to see a professional for help. Hope the few tips mentioned will assist you in building self confidence. Take care of yourself and each other.
A problem shared is a problem half solved.
