Dear Harriet, my wife gave me the shock of my life last week when she told me that I no longer satisfy her emotionally that we are living together but very distant. We have been married for ten years with two wonderful children; I am so worried and disturbed. Here am I thinking that everything is well with us not knowing this issue, please I need your advice on dealing with our emotional situation. Thanks (Mr. Wale O. Lekki)
Thanks for sharing your story, every marriage have its own challenges but the beauty of the union is when couples are open to one another about issues affecting them, dealing with the challenges become easier. Therefore, your wife coming out openly to discuss her feelings is a good thing instead of keeping silent or pretending that all is well when in the real sense all is not well, and this can lead to other problems in the home if not treated properly so see the situation as a good thing, worry less, let your heart not be disturbed everything will be just fine. As some relationships grows spouse or partners are face with daily work stress and other responsibilities they might start spending less time together as they use to, or that they actually spend time together but there is this feeling of emptiness, loneliness, no emotional connection. When a person start experiencing this feeling with their spouse or partner if not address properly can give room to other issues that can affect the relationship or marriage. However here are some useful tips that might help you to tackle emotionally distance in relationships; self evaluation; personal check is necessary from time to time because it help partners or spouse to know what they are doing right or wrong. Then the next step to take is to have a conversation with your partner or spouse about your observations where you feel you might not be meeting up, the reason for the challenges you are encountering and how you feel it could be affecting your emotional aspect of the relationship, seek her opinion on the issue as well then try to work on it together. Make each other a priority; to deal with emotional disconnection with your partner or spouse is to learn to put your spouse for example on the top of your list. A lot of complains surface when people are married after been very close before marriage for example “if only I was important to him or her” or he /she does not pay attention to me anymore. Most of us take good care of their possessions like, cars, houses, shoes, jewelries, bags than our relationships, for some not that they don’t care but the just assume that their spouse should understand or that they know that they care and love them dearly with or without showing it. The truth is that most couples or long time friends often take one another for granted. May be because they assume to know each other so well that even what matters or interest their spouse or partner is given little or no attention any more forgetting that could be the reason while the person is in the relationship and that if such is not taken care of the relationship might stop working. In order to deal with emotional distant partner or spouse you must make each other feel special and needed. Learn to show care and concern about issues that troubles him or her. This can be challenging mostly when you have obligations to fulfil, not withstanding little steps can be taken to improve intimacy in relationship. In addition try to remember your initial attraction to one another, who said it is too late or that you are too old, think about it, if possible list them out, it is only when you quietly reflect on those things that you will start feeling again so build on the feelings and respond to your partner or spouse in a positive way. Compliment plays a great role as well, take note of little details and show appreciation. Thank you, you look very nice today or I like your hair style and so on go a long way in keep spouse/partners connected. Be spontaneous in expressing your love to one another, touching and kissing gives a sense of been loved and appreciated dearly. Create time to spend quality time with each other without any distraction; enjoying good moment together can help your feel connected again. Avoid negative criticism learn to correct with love. Control your temper if you get angry easily, avoid verbal abuse, spoken words can either make or destroy a relationship. You can destroy your spouse or partner both physically or emotionally by what you say to them. for example if a spouse is constantly talking down on his /her spouse hereby killing her self esteem making her feel worthless or less important, the outcome is that the person involved will start pulling away gradually. Furthermore learn not to switch off on your spouse or partner when issues are been discussed this is a bit common for some people. They dismiss or pay little attention to matters they feel are not important forgetting that what you regard as irrelevant can be relevant to the other person. A problem shared is a problem half solved.
