Good morning Harriet, thank you for enriching us with your words of advice. May God continue to fill you with knowledge and wisdom, please I need you to counsel on how to form and sustain a healthy relationship.
Mr. Charles. N- Abuja
Forming a healthy relationship is one thing, sustaining that relationship is another great challenge that people face. Relationship generally is one aspect in life that is ongoing; we interact with people all the time starting from our family members to friends, colleagues at work, and so on. Forming a healthy relationship is one aspect that must not be taking for granted; there are certain qualities that must be considered before going into a relationship in the first place. Some people for instance complain that their partners have changed after marriage for example, the truth is that the signs were there from the beginning but the person involves have a mindset that she/he will change after marriage forgetting the fact that you can only change yourself not your partner/ spouse. Through your new ways and attitude towards your spouse/ partner for example, might cause him or her to change. One aspect we must note is that we are of different background, personalities and ideology so the only way we can form a healthy relationship with others is to first understand these facts and also know that you must give what you want to get. Our needs change with time therefore, if you would like to feel understood, try being more understanding. If you want to feel more love, try giving more love as well. Relationship is an investment like a bank account so what you put is what you get. The big question is how to sustain a healthy relationship bearing in mind that there are several factors that might be affecting the relationship. These factors can be trace from different aspects, could be internal or external depending on the individual involved. Sometimes it could be as a result of unresolved issues, which need to be solved. Other factors are: Effective communication; being able to communicate effectively minimizes points of friction and makes conflict resolution much more easily. As we know communication is actually a life wire of every relationship, it is the fuel on which the engine of relationships runs; it is a building block of intimacy. Communication involves how we express our thoughts, ideas, and feelings to others. Through verbal or non verbal we convey our attitudes, values, priorities and beliefs. However for effective communication to be achieved you need to bear the following in mind; communication is not complete if the message is not clear, they receiver on his own must listen to get a clear message because most of the time people can hear people talk but they are not listening in order to get the right message. To sustain a healthy relationship is to listen more and talk less. As obvious as this may seem, many couples for example are not very good at communicating effectively while those who are able to openly express their feelings in an emotionally safe environment typically deals with situations as they come up and avoid burying frustrations which always have a way of coming out at some point.
In addition the aspect of a good role model cannot be neglected simply because your upbringing forms who you are. If you grow up in a home where domestic violence is the language of the day that will affect the way you relate with people even your love ones. You can only give love, care, tolerant, when you have it or when you are raised in such a manner. Moreover is the aspect of ” What” which can be seen as the initial attraction, from time to time it is good to remind yourself what attracted you to that person, what is your common interest? Having different interest shows that you have an exciting life, which might be rewarding which does not leave you with dull moments. In such cases it is not compulsory that your partner or spouse must share in your interest but it is very vital that you have some that are common to you both. This takes us to our next tip; Expectations: be realistic in your expectations, some people have this out of this world expectation, forgetting that we are human and that no one is perfect. Tolerate what you cannot change, know that we cannot be the same and that everybody has their strength and weakness just like you. Sustaining a healthy relationships take hard work, they don’t just happen.
common goal; working towards a common goal that will benefit both partners for example will not only support their commitments but also serve to deepen their feeling of intimacy and connectedness.
Decision making: to form and sustain a healthy relationship the other person must be allowed to make his or her own contribution. Once you have decided to go into a relationship you must recognize that it cannot be’ I’ always in your relationship but ‘we’. Learn to respect the other person’s opinion, even when you don’t agree with it.
Anger; is said to be a relationship killer if not manage properly, because it makes you self –absorbed, prevent you from to see the good aspect of situation. Dealing with people with anger does not solve anything. If you notice you are angry kindly give yourself time to calm down before discussing or taking any decision.
Financial issues: although money is not everything in relationship, it could make or unmake a home for instance if not handle properly. Money is often times the root of most problems in marriage. From then on set it is important to bring the issue of money on table openly. Talk about your earnings, your spending habit, how you want to apportion money for running the home, and savings and so on. If you are able to discuss your finances easily then you be able to handle challenges as they come.
Self evaluation is also another aspect that is very important; ability to tell yourself the truth if you are at fault or not, instead of shifting blame.
In conclusion, to form and sustain a healthy relationship is a choice. Choose to care about ways of developing your techniques so that you can have a longer and stronger relationship.
A problem shared is a problem half solved. Keep a date with her!
