In continuation with last week article as regards to the question asked by a reader whose wife for some reasons after the birth of their first child have been discovered medically might not be able to conceive as a result she then suggested to her husband to take in a second wife. On the statement is why her husband text seeking advice on what to do. On this edition, we will be offering more explanation on the issue (secondary infertility) for a proper understanding and good think through attitude of the situation before taking any decision. Secondary infertility as its known can happen to anyone that you are going through it does not mean that you are alone. The experience can be emotionally painful and stressful for you and your spouse, if not manage properly can put a strain on your relationship. Therefore the way forward is to avoid been irrational but should think through every option and educate yourself on them. You might feel that your situation is such a bad one with no remedy after all medically there is no way your wife can give you more children base on the doctor’s report, well by human judgment yes, have you thought of turning to God for answers, what have you got to lose? Nothing really but a lot to gain or have you pulse to ask why he allows this to happen. Listen, God does not give us things or challenges because he wants to teach us a lesson rather things that happen to us are situations we can handle when we look up to him, trusting him to see us through bearing in mind that his thought for us are of good not evil. When a situation is beyond you it is wise to turn to the maker who has the manual to his creation. This might be a test for your family to have a testimony at the end. Some will say, why bring religion into it and my question is who gives children? If your answer is God what is wrong taking your situation to him. Moreover, if you are considering your wife’s suggestion of taking a second wife it will be nice for you to know a few things that come with it. The coming of a second wife no matter how you try even if you have enough resources to take care of them will affect your relationship with your wife that you claimed you still love. Attention and affection whether you like it or not will shift to the new wife. It is only natural; however your first wife has had you for the past 36 years.
A second woman of course will come with her own expectations which you must try to meet, she also deserve all the attention and care especially since she is now your new wife and because you are human no matter how you try, there are going to be instances where you will subconsciously be hurting your first wife without knowing. The love you profess might really start fading gradually because there is someone else who also need your love and attention. Not to forget your daughter as well her interest must also be put into consideration not just the both of you because any decision you made will affect her, she is also a member of the family. Next is to look into the issue of adoption, gone are the days when people don’t mention or talk about it. A lot of homes today with or without biological children are helping humanity and putting smiles and joy into to the lives of children by taking them into their homes as their own children. Many homes have been blessed through this means; it does not necessary follow that you have to be the biological parents to a child for the child to be yours. Adoption is also an option that might be of help, it connects people through love and love is one of the strongest emotions known to man. Get information on the issue of adoption, read, ask questions because it will be nice to be well informed in case you decide to do so, knowledge is power. In addition couples are advice to undergo private counseling with a professional in order to help them understand the transition and be able to deal with infertility –related issues. All these will be effective when discussed as a couple so therefore it will be nice to talk with your wife and in togetherness both of you can reach conclusion on what will be suitable for your family. Marriage is a work in progress Finally when difficulties come our way we must learn not to focus on the problem but instead seek help on how to deal with the problem.
Take care of yourself and each other.
A problem shared is a problem half solved.
