In continuation with last week article we will be looking at how to talk to children of eight years and above about sexuality and sex education. What they should know, when, and how. I received email messages from some parents telling me that schools are teaching sex education so why should they bother. Yes, schools are offering sex education but please don’t count on the classroom instruction alone, first you need to know what the school is teaching your children about sex education, secondly, does the teaching go along side with your belief and value. Sex education must start from home, because your teenager for example might not hear, or understand all that they need to know. That’s where you come in, difficult as it may be; sex education is a parent’s responsibility. By reinforcing and supplementing what your child learn in school; help to set the stage for a healthy sexuality. Sex education should be an ongoing conversation, if you wait for the perfect time, you might miss the opportunity, agree, it’s not always easy to talk to 8 years and above about sexuality and sex because at this age some of them feel very uncomfortable with the topic. To get started with the conversation seize the moment, it could be while watching a TV program with sexual behavior, cooking in the kitchen, tiding up the house, or riding in the car. Give them honest answers when they ask questions in the process.
Be direct, talk to them about the different changes that will or is taking place in their bodies. It’s always best to talk to children about sexuality before puberty but for those whose children are already in puberty, never mind, it is not too late to talk to them about sexuality and sex education. At 8 years, start talking to your child about physical and emotional changes which is associated with puberty. Girls should know about the following; development of the breast, hair growth in certain part of their bodies, menstruation, acne. The emotional aspect should also be emphasis. Talk to them about premenstrual syndrome (pms) around the time of their periods, PMS can include the following; mood swing, some girls get irritated easily when they are about to see their period, some start craving for sugary food, while some feel bloated, some have pimples on their face, some feel sleepy most time, stomach pain, back pain while some girls do not experience any of the above. The right information is very important. Also teach girls personal hygiene during their period. However for the boys; explain to them the physical changes: hair growth – certain part of their body, breast development (a bit swollen) voice change and become deeper, Some boys sometimes have wet dreams,( they ejaculate in their sleep, waking up to wet bed ). Some boys have strong smell. Under psychological aspect; because of the hormonal changes, they are affected emotionally; some start having sexual feelings towards girls. Some get very defensive; while some display ‘I know it all’ attitude (they might sound rude).
some parents might think 8 years is a bit too young to know adult topics, but consider this; children are different, some are early starters while some are late starters (puberty) The rate that children grow this day is quite alarming, so as parents/guardian it our duty to teach them sexuality which will help them to be more knowledgeable about themselves and all the changes that takes place as they grow from one stage to another. Moreover sex is another important aspect that should not be neglected as we talk to them. Remember they are growing up gradually in to adult therefore it will be nice for them to understand how to deal with certain feelings they might be going through and the consequences involved. The common comment I get from teenagers during counseling is’ nobody told me it will happen this way’ that is why I am using this opportunity to emphasis that parents/guardian should tell their teenagers all that they need to know about sex. Abstinence, date rape, homosexuality and other tough topics should also be included while talking to teenagers about sex. Keep an open mind because they will ask questions in the process that demand truthful answers, don’t forget, a lot of teenagers at this stage might be going through peer pressure, or loneliness so if you don’t give them the right answers they might find themselves on the wrong side. For example some teenagers are sexually active simply because their friends are doing it so they don’t want to be look down at. Teenagers need to understand that God created sex. He want married people to enjoy it that is why sexual intercourse is intended to accomplish; procreation ( for the purpose of having children and create a family) bonding (for the purpose of developing oneness between husband and wife both physical, psychological and spiritual) and recreation – for the purpose of pleasure and enjoyment. Tell them that there is no rush; remind them that it is worth waiting for. Let them know that there is time for everything, make them know the value of their education at this stage.
Furthermore, explain to them the consequences of pre martial sex; pregnancy, abortion, sexually transmitted diseases. Pregnancy for instance is as a result of early dating which might lead to sex. In the process of taking care of the situation some of them end up aborting putting their life in danger and actually depriving a child the right to live. More so, educate them on the sexually transmitted diseases like HIV, Herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, Chlamydia and so on. Beyond this physical effect; however are psychological problems that include guilt, emotional distress, and self-hatred in some cases, sexual addiction, and broken relationship. To avoid all these, teach them how to be active – encourage them to take up a sporting activity to keep their body and mind busy because an idle mind is the devil’s work shop.
For the boys that love games or comic books please encourage them, because it is good for them to be occupied with video games or comics than going through pornographic stuff. Talk to them about the internet and keep a check on the site they go on the internet. Reassure them that they are forever loved. Encourage them to be open, let them know that you are ready to listen and guide them at all times. As parents we must tell our children not to allow anyone pressurize them into having sex. For teenagers that are sexually active they need a new beginning, so what we can do as parents is to offer them hope, they may have given up all hope of living a chaste life style, therefore encourage them to start afresh that it is never too late. Sexuality and sex education should be an ongoing talk in every home. Keep talking!
A problem shared is a problem half solved.
