Hello Harriet, I’m enjoying your column, please kindly explain to me why children fight, my house is like a battle field and I am tired, I really don’t know what to do. (Ted. U Edo State.)
Thanks Ted what you are experiencing is sibling rivalry. Some children relate with their sibling very well with a bit of disagreement here and there, some are always on each other’s throat. It is very common to see brothers and sisters quarrel and fight, as we go alone you will understand the reasons behind it and how to deal with the situation. Rivalry start even before some children have sibling, they compete for everything from food to toys even when they are alone so when there is a second child they start seeking attention and affection. What we should know is that as children attain different stages of development their evolving needs can significantly affect how they relate to one another and this can be frustrating and upsetting for parents. However, trouble between siblings can be trace in different ways like rivalry, strife or abuse. Rivalry for instance is common among brother/brother, sister/sister or sister/brother and so on. Rivalry can be seen as a spirit of competition or jealousy between siblings (step-siblings) in a family. For example once there is a shift of attention among sibling there is bound to be rivalry. This can be devastating among sibling while in some cases it can be advantageous, with regards to good behaviour and achievement. A home where they older children are hard working academically, they younger ones in return will want to follow their footsteps. Don’t forget that children naturally are very competitive; most of them want to be seen as the best so they try very hard to be notice and praise. To some extend sibling rivalry is natural perhaps unavoidable family members. Another problem of sibling rivalry is sibling strife.
Strife: this can be destructive to a child a situation for example if a child sees that his/her parents are pay more attention and care to their other sibling not them, it can lead to them showing nasty behavior towards their suppose loved one, so to express their feeling of neglect what most of them will do is to start teasing or ridicule their cared sibling and this might affect the sibling in question emotional. Moreover, sibling abuse is a problem of sibling rivalry as well. Relationship between siblings can sometimes degenerate into abusive behaviour and pattern by name calling, fighting, threats, destruction of personal possession, hitting or inciting fear on the younger ones could be as a result of temperament or how some children response to situations. Some older children transfer their anger or hurts to their younger ones especially when they are been scoured by their parents so in order to regain their sense of power the react in the above ways. With these problems we can see that sibling rivalry has to do with a lot of things to a certain extent, it is a common happening where there are children in the family setting seeking for attention and affection. Other causes are birth order, the first child gets all the affection and attention at the beginning because he/she is the only child for example but the minute there are others, the equal share now comes to play if not handle properly might lead to serious sibling rivalry. Jealousy can also lead to sibling rivalry. When parents start giving preferential treatment to one child over others (daddy’s girl or mummy’s boy) not that as parents they don’t love their other children, they certainly love them as well but they fact that they pay a special attention to a particular child might make one or others jealous. Remember jealousy is not a thing of new it has been in exist right from time and this can lead to a lot of things if not handle properly. Furthermore, unhealthy or unfavourable comparison can pose as a cause for sibling rivalry; children are very sensitive about their matters of physical attractiveness and body characteristics. It is highly inflammatory to commend one child at the expense of another. Don’t forget children are very competitive mostly boys they are very sensitive to certain issues. Desire for attention cannot be over look while mentioning the causes of sibling rivalry; some children create trouble with their sibling just to get attention from adult could be their parents or guardian. They want to be notice at all times. Changing roles is another cause; as children start growing from one stage to another, their attitude changes. The teen body begins to mature as a result he/she starts to develop new interests and very often his /her takes a new turn as well. They may have more responsibilities at home, some are more involve with their age friends. Such changes can have effect to their families. For example little sister may feel neglected by her older sister may become jealous, or big brother moving to a boarding school, this can resort to certain changes at home. These changes can lead to sibling rivalry. Stress and frustration contribute to sibling rivalry; when a family is going through stress could be as a result of the position of their marriage, tension at home, parental abuse, an alcoholic parent, if not dealt with properly can actually affect the children, some might start taking their frustration of the whole situation on the younger siblings. In addition selfishness and lack of sharing limited resources can lead to sibling rivalry.
TO BE CONTINUED
A problem shared is a problem half solved.
