Reasons for Infidelity
Infidelity or unfaithfulness are in different forms, we have the one night stand,no strain attach, no contact.
Sexual addiction, more like an illness, severals are involve.
entangled affairs :is more emotional, intimate, long lasting, on this edition we are going to concentrate on reasons for, and reactions to infidelity in marriage.
Reason for infidelity in marriage :
The big question is WHY? What are the reasons for this act of infidelity ( unfaithfulness)
An affair can happen in a good marriage as well as in a marriage with existing problems. Although there’s no justification for infidelity in marriage. When your unfaithful spouse gives you an excuse/ reason for having an affair, it is simply a way to personally justify the behaviour and to feel more at ease with the decision to cheat. Mind you it’s a Decision. Some on the other hand may not understand why they are unfaithful, it is very important to note that you are not to blame for your spouse’s decision to stray.
We are human ——- remember we all have our free will, ( yes or no)
The reasons or excuse people give for been unfaithful include :
1. Lack of affection in both the husband or the wife, depending on the one doing the cheating.
2. Low self esteem—- no regards for spouse, speaking hurtful words, negative name calling, cursing and abuses. ——falls victim once the opposite is offered outside.
As a result some then use it to build up self-esteem and feel desirable.
3. Lack of satisfaction could be physically or emotional.
4. An addiction to sex or romance- need for more sex or sexual variety.
5. A way to end an un happy marriage ( like room mates)
Fear of commitment.
Need for excitement (screte) stolen water is very sweet.
Lack of stable role model relationship when growing up( as an adult )
In ability to resist advances from the opposite sex.
Making spouse jealous
Deception,
Emotional intimacy : just talking, makes me laugh.
Flirtation
Internet: even though the Internet correspondents may not see face to face, some use it as a reason to be unfaithful to their spouse. Internet sex has become a great concern for many families.
Lack of communication
Peer pressure / home or office pressure: all my friends are having an affair, I don’t want to be the odd one out.
child issue : family expansion (my only son syndrome )
Moreover statement like :
Men are polygamous by nature
Variety is the spices of life
If my wife catches me she goes, and if I catch her she goes!
I need some space
You don’t listen to me.
I can’t help myself
He/she doesn’t mean anything to me.
It’s not the way you feel
I was charmed
She / he seduce me, I didn’t mean it
I was tempted, or it’s the work of the devil
I felt sorry for her/him cos of his situation and it happen, it was just once .
Reactions to infidelity in marriage:
Reactions to different types of infidelity differs, the reaction to Entangle Affair is different from One night Stand, or Addiction (obsession )
There are several situation : caught in the act with a close friend or relative is different reaction compare to a stranger on the internet.
If you are experiencing infidelity in your marriage, all the statistics in the world probably mean nothing. Right now, all you can think about is the way infidelity has and is affecting you. If you are normal, you are experiencing a wide range of emotions and, you might fear that you are loosing your sanity because of the deep, negative, emotional impact of infidelity. It’s the depth of betrayal and emotional pain that often leads to divorce. Such negative emotions are hard to put behind you and many people feel there is no way to ever rebuild trust.
Here are some of the emotions one feels when faced with the knowledge that their spouse has cheated. If you have found yourself in this situation, take heart, these emotions will eventually fade and your life will become normal again.
Denial:
This is a very normal first reaction, and most of people will spend some time simply refusing to believe that their spouse is involved with someone else, no matter how compelling the evidence may be. However, try to be honest with yourself, accept what has happened. Only through honesty and clarity can you get through this, no matter what ultimately happens with your marriage.
Anger:
You will find yourself experiencing anger you didn’t know you were capable of. An affair attacks the very foundation of our day to day life, robbing us of our security, violating the vows we took when we married, and stripping away all the peace of mind we got from being married.
It is normal to feel mad at your spouse and at the other person who has invaded your marriage. Nevertheless, this is also one of the more destructive emotions you’ll be working through, so it is important to try and keep it under control..
Rejection:
It’s impossible to not feel personally rejected when you find that your spouse has replaced you with another. Your self-esteem will hit an all time low at some point before you recover. Turn to your friends and family for strength.
Other reactions are:
Shock
Heart broken
Hatred
Used and violated
Shattered
Hurt
Humiliated
Depress —– homicidal, suicide,
Blameworthy
Helpless
Vengeful
Undesirable
Sexually arouse,
Some are happy ( especially those that are suspicious of their spouse,and have been looking for prove).
Some feel Relieve
Alarm
Loose their temper
Some weep
Bitterness set in
Low- self esteem leads to spouse feeling unimportant, inferior, worthless,
Spiteful
(forgiving,
Everyone will experience emotions differently. This list, though it isn’t complete is a starting place and will help you understand some of the emotions you are feeling. It’s important to know that your reaction to infidelity is normal and to understand that you may feel different emotions at different times.
Till we come your way next week take care of your self and each other, bye!
