Dear Harriet, I am in a relationship for two years, he is very serious with the whole affair, and recently he said to me that he will like to take it to the next level. I see him proposing very soon. I really love him but the question of if he is the right person for me keep coming to my mind from time to time, please I need your help. Thanks (Name with held. Lagos.)
There is nothing wrong with the way you feel, it is expected to ask such question when you are in a relationship for long, Thanks for sharing. Now for your question to be answered you will have to go through a reality check list, in order to have a clear picture of what you really want in a relationship or the qualities you currently view as essential in a potential marriage mate. For example when you were younger did you ever have a crush on a boy, well if your answer is yes, you will notice that the following were your attraction; good looking, friendly, popular, good dancer or funny, there is nothing wrong with any of the above traits each of them has its own appeal because you were very young and tend to dwell more on superficial qualities. As you mature in life you will then begin to use your power of perception to examine deeper issues in your partner such as trustworthiness, goal-oriented, morally upright, and spiritually-minded and so on, not basing your judgment on the outward appearance alone. Moreover, to know if your partner is the right person for you is to know yourself first; it not just looking for Mr. Right but rather making yourself right as well, so before you can consider who is the right person for you, you need to know yourself well, the only way to learn more about yourself is to answer the following questions; what are my strengths, what are my weaknesses, what are your aim and objectives, and what is your emotional state. Getting to know yourself is not an easy task especially if you have never thought of it but don’t worry questions like these can get you started. The reason is that the more you understand yourself the better equipped you will be to find someone who will amplify your strength instead than your weakness. Choosing a life partner is totally different from dating, this is marriage we are talking about, a life time commitment, someone your will love and cherish to spend the rest of your life with together no matter the circumstances. Trust me, as you are in line of taking this bold step of settling down more than a few members of the opposite sex may catch your eye. Note, not just any one will do. What you want is someone you will be happy and comfortable with, who you have affection for and who in return loves you dearly. Someone who truly fits your personality and your goals, someone who will correct you with good intension, someone who will not disregard your feelings and opinion when it comes to dealing with issues. Next is to look beyond the surface; have an objective look at your relationship with your friend, be very careful though, because you just might be inclined to see only what you want to see, so take your time. Try to perceive your friend’s true character, I know some people will say some friends pretend during courtship, the real person comes to show after marriage; the fact is that the signs are always there but most people have this perception that they will change their partner after marriage forgetting that you can only change yourself and not someone else. Looking deeper than just the surface will take a lot of effort on your part which is expected. Many who date don’t look beyond surface instead they quickly point to the things they have in common for example we like the same music, we enjoy the same activities, we agree on everything. To some extend it is fine but other factors must be put into consideration. For instance, rather than focus on how much you agree on things, it might be more revealing to note what happens when you disagree. In other words, how does this person handle conflict; is it by insisting on his or her way, what is his or her temper like, Are they abusive? Does he or she show willingness to yield for the sake of peace when there is misunderstanding or is it always the issue of right and wrong. Furthermore another factor to consider is the person manipulative, possessive, or the very jealous type reason is because this can lead to serious issues later on. Sincere answers to all the questions should help you make up your mind because on the long run you have to make the decision. Every marriage have its ups and downs but what keep couples going is the love they have for each other knowing that there is no perfect human being but are willing to learn from one another to build a happy home together seeing themselves as best friends.
A problem shared is a problem half solved.
