Good day ma, I am a big fan and sincerely appreciate your useful counsel. Please I need your advice, presently I am emotionally down, my girl friend for some years that I wish to propose to soon, has changed. I really don’t understand her attitude any more. Ever since she relocated to a different state for work, she is not the same person. Please help me, thanks. (Name with held, Abuja.)
Thanks for your text message; I must commend you for sharing your story. As human we yearn for instinctive need for love, protection and security, these are feelings associated with been in a relationship and once any aspect is affected you feel hurt, it is natural but the ability to evaluate your situation and be truthful to yourself is very important. Base on your message it is difficult to know why your girl friend has changed because I have so few details about the relationship but here are some useful tips that might be of help to you in a time like this; Try not to jump to conclusions about the situation of things, people behaviour in different ways for different reasons so it will be a good idea to have a conversation with her first. Find out from her why the sudden change of attitude and in the process, tell her all your observations and how it is affecting you, learn to keep an open mind. More so, listen attentively, removing every assumption. In situation like this it is very important to talk with the person involved directly, the reason is that, it will help you understand the reason behind the action, remember, you are no mind reader so the only way for you to know the intension of a person is actually by talking with the person. However, if you have difficulty communicating then seek a professional counseling together before you propose to her. It is easier sometimes to talk to a stranger than to relatives or friends. During talking therapy the trained counselor will listen to you and help you find your own answers to problems, without judging you. The counselor will give you time to talk, cry, shout, or think. It is an opportunity to look at your problems in a different way with someone who will respect and encourage your opinions and the decision you make. This would help you to gain some clarity and give you an idea of where the relationship is at, your feelings about it then the things you could do yourself to make some changes. You can only work on changing yourself not another person. Many couples undergo premarital counseling, you need to be certain that getting married is the right choice for the right reason with the right person; in addition, it is important that couples correct all problems in the relationship before they get married. Marriage will not automatically fix the problems in a relationship. The same problem that exist before marriage will exist after marriage if not handle properly. It is very wise idea and I would highly recommend it in this situation but if she refuses to go with you then she wouldn’t benefit from therapy. A person needs first to admit that there’s something wrong and be willing to work on it, for therapy to stand a chance. Next is self evaluation; on your part, it is necessary you check yourself because sometimes we just don’t realize how our words or actions are perceived. Note, often times the people around us including our love ones won’t even tell us. In some cases they don’t know how to articulate it, and other times they give us passive –aggressive or silent treatment just to make us uncomfortable and to punish us for being insensitive. Furthermore, acceptance in matters that affect the heart is vital; whatever explanation she gives should be accepted, it might not be what you want to hear. If she tells you in the process of conversation or you trying to make things work that she doesn’t feel the same way, listen, respect her decision and move on. It might not be easy, you will be emotionally traumatize but you will definitely heal naturally, because it is better for you to have a broken heart that can be amend with time than for you to have a broken marriage since you intend proposing to her soon. It takes two people who are in love to have a successful marriage defeating every odd together. Take care of yourself and each other.
A problem shared is a problem half solved.
