Good day ma, Ma I am a boy who just clock 18 years. I thank God for it; well you can wish me a happy birthday. Madam I am facing a serious challenge which I have been with for almost 10years now. It is the issue of masturbation. It all started the moment I was raped by one of my cousin, even since then I cannot control my emotion towards girls and masturbation. Seeing your page on The Nation Newspaper on Saturday I have this feeling of opening up to you as a counsellor to help me out. This issue has been a secret in my life, so ashamed to confine in any body for fear of been judge and condemn. I really don’t know how to deal with my situation. Please ma, I need your help, you have my permission to publish my message but please don’t disclose my identity. Thanks (Name withheld. Lagos). I must commend you for the courage you showed by sending in your mail about your situation. Trust me; it takes a lot to do so. You have done great, sending this mail is one step to your healing because when you open up to issues like this, it gives you a clear picture to the reasons and effect of what you are going through and then the solution. Now, we have two issues to tackle; first is the case of rape then masturbation. Rape is a serious issue and must be reported with all the necessary action taken, it doesn’t matter who is involved. Whether family member or not. The rapist must face the law for such an act, on the other hand the victim must be protected and reassured with all the medical checks in place and must see a trained counsellor, who will take the victim through a healing process. The reason for all this explanation about rape is because it is one of the major causes that can give room to promiscuity like masturbation.  Come to think of it, most of the rape issues are done by family members, people close, trusted people who take advantage of the innocent that is the reason why parents must be close and protect their children all the way. Discuss with them, tell them everything the need to know about sex education, listen to them and answer all their questions. Masturbation is one common act that a large number of teenagers engaging due to lack of information or wrong information given to them as they are confused about the natural changes that are taking place in their bodies both physical and emotional. Apart from the issue of rape some get answers from their friends on what to do when their sexual feelings come to play, others from books and media. Masturbation becomes an addiction and can actually affect other aspect of their life if all the necessary steps are not taken to put an end to it. Some of the effects are as follows; obsession, guilt, lack of concentration, absentmindedness, memory loss, depression, solitary, low self-esteem, and so on.  However, stopping masturbation addiction requires a lot of self discipline and total commitment; it is achievable once you set your mind to it. There are some useful tips on how to deal with the issue of masturbation; my first advise on this case is for the writer to see a trained counselor, so that his rape issue will be treated properly, he need to open up to a professional who is not going to judge or condemn him but reassure him of confidentiality and also assist him through the healing process which comes in sections, Since his un spoken rape incident is what led him into masturbating and uncontrollable sexual urge. The next step is to learn to divert your space time and energy into areas like sport. Take up an activity that you enjoy instead of staying idle. Get really busy with yourself in a useful and productive way also by take up courses; acquire skills if you like in order to improve yourself. The trust of the matter is that you need to occupy yourself in a positive way. Avoid been idle because the idle mind is the devil’s workshop. Read inspirational books the will help. Fill your mind with thoughts on how you can improve yourself for good. Be creative, for example learn how to play a musical instrument, writing, drawing or painting. In other words there must be a new mind set since the problem started from the mind. Furthermore avoid every situation that might trigger the urge of masturbation, keep away from anything that turns you on sexually, could be films, books, magazines, bad friends, and so on. You have to take absolute control of yourself at all times by avoiding tempting situations if you want to end it. Exercise is a good way for self control, start at once and be consistence.
