Dear Harriet, I always read your column in The Nation News paper every Saturday, God bless you for your good work, I decided to send you a text message. I am a mother of two lovely children, a girl and a boy and in our home is a twenty seven years old young man, who lives with us as he is undergoing business training. He is a relative and we so much love and trusted him. He has been with us from a very young age, my husband and I treated him like our son. It was on a week day my husband came home unexpected to pick up some document while I was on a trip that he caught the young man sexually abusing our eight years old daughter in the bed room. this ordeal is so painful, my husband and I are in so much pain and anger about the abuse, when we ask our daughter how long this have been going on, she said for a very long time. Base on her story with my calculation I will say he has been abusing our daughter for the past four years with us knowing it. I feel so upset and mad with myself that this happened to my daughter right under my roof without me having a clue at all. I swore if not that my husband send him back to the village. For what he did to our innocent daughter I would have done something terrible to him that he will never forget in a hurry, if he was in our home when I came back. The thought of it is giving us sleepless night, I am so traumatize that seeing my little girl carrying on normal not knowing the gravity of what has been done to her bleeds’ my heart. The worst part is that I am starting to be emotionally distant from her, she seem like a stranger to me. Please I desperately need your counsel. Thanks (Name with held, Abia State.)
Your story is one that must be treated properly with all the necessary steps followed seriously. We commend you for sharing your story; it takes a lot of courage to speak out especially when the abuser is a close relative. Family members of sexually abused children are too ashamed to tell anyone, for fear of bringing disgrace and shame to their family so as a result they cover it under the carpet pretending that it never happened instead of dealing with the situation. Others will shut the child up by blaming or disbelieving the child’s complain, that you made yours an open case is a step to the right direction because Silence does not heal such wounds instead it makes it worse, Rape can destroy someone if not tackled properly; it can affect other aspect of the victim’s life. Dealing with the issue of rape on a girl of eight is not far fetch from someone older. Her reaction to the situation might be different because of her age. Note; this abuse have been going on for a very long time since she was four years old and now she is eight years old, so to your innocent daughter in her own mind frame base on the words the abuser has made her to believe, feels it is the normal way of life, don’t forget that the person here is a mature man, who knows exactly what he is doing. Every parents will feel the way you are feeling, try not to be too harsh on yourself, this is not a time for blames instead it is a time for you to walk with your child through the stages of grief and other emotions and reactions, let not forget that what next is the way forward. Therefore, help her confront, express and resolve all the feelings by approaching them with understanding and comfort. Here are a few tips on what to do; seek medical attention, it is highly necessary for your daughter so book an appointment to see a doctor with your daughter, be open with the doctor about the sexual abuse. Tell him or her everything concerning the rape so that adequate medical attention will be giving to your daughter. Furthermore because rape isn’t just physically damaging it can be emotionally damaging as well. A person who has been raped might have mixed emotions. They can be angry, scared, or embarrassed among other feelings. These mixed emotions can manifest themselves in many ways such as trouble sleeping, eating, and withdrawal from everyday activities, mistrust towards others, post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and extreme fear or paranoia. The best way to deal with the emotional trauma of rape is to seek professional help from a therapist or certified counselor. A professional will take the victim through all the necessary healing process which is very vital, rape must not be ignored. In addition you and your husband must also see a certified counselor for healing as well so that you will know how to love your child again. This is the time she need parental love, care, encouragement, and support. Moreover The fact about healing is that the situation might get worse before it gets better, at the end of the day as you go through the stages with activities you will be fine. Above all, don’t forget to take the situation to God in prayers, God Almighty will definitely see you through and your family will smile again. The offender must be expose so that first he can face the law for his wicked act, also to put an end to it because if not reported the offender will seize any opportunity to abuse their victim again or someone else and in most cases they go as far as threaten their victims, tells them that no one will believe their story. This is mainly common with offenders that are well known to the family example relatives and close family friends. our hearts goes to you once again for the wicked act your trusted relative did to your innocent eight years old daughter but the only way you can feel better even in the middle of the whole situation is to confront the issue. The rape is not the child’s fault but the relative who took advantage of the child. Nobody has the right to rape someone; the innocent child did not ask or want to be raped. There is no moral justification for his action; your child is very young to speak for herself so as parents it is your responsibility to put things right for her and yourself. Be her voice no matter what. Take care of yourself and each other.
A problem shared is a problem half solved.
