Dear Harriet, thank God for using you to reach out to people on different life issues through your weekly counsel on The Nation Newspaper. I appreciate your work, keep it up. I am a mother of three great children but my challenge and worry is the academic performance of my second child, his failing in school is really affecting me, I have tried all that I could but all to no avail. Our relationship is going on a different direction because of this; please I need your counsel on what to do. Help me! (Mrs. E. U- Port Harcourt.)
Your state of mind about the happening is expected, most parent will be worried in such a situation and if not handle properly might affect other aspect of the family. We must commend you for sharing your situation because in some cases parents find it hard to open up for help in matters like yours. Your situation deserves a lot of real steps to be taken both from you as a parent in collaboration with the school in order to help your child. Note this, every child is intelligent if given the right method of teaching depending on their level of understanding so teach your child first to view failure as success delayed. Failing an exam or repeating a class can be traumatic no doubts about that but you play a pivotal role in helping your child through this crisis. At this point it will be necessary for us to look at some of the possible reasons why your child may have failed, they are as follows; Insufficient written practice: could be a situation where he/she answer everything the night before the test or exam but on the day can’t really explain what happened at the exam hall. A child might do well in oral test but might need a lot of practice in written ones. Next might be faulty teaching methods; children are different and unique in every aspect so when it comes to academics their level of assimilation and understanding are totally different. On the other hand, many children fail to develop in over populated classrooms where there is less active involvement of teachers. Then, might be learning disabilities or challenges; some children have problems focusing, grasping, memorizing and writing because their minds are wired in a different way. Get a psycho-educational analysis done by a trained specialist to find out the problem and identify weaknesses and strengths. Expectations: many children bear the burden of mounting parental expectations and just crumble during testing times. Distraction is another reason, studying is harder when there are many distractions around. Television, computer, games and the internet can also be addictive. In addition psychological problems is not left out in mentioning some of the likely reasons for a child’s academic performance ; traumatic events like divorce or domestic violence at home can hamper a child’s studies. Perhaps he is being bullied, try finding out. The final possible reason can be health problem: a child need to be completely fit to use his mental faculties in the best possible way. Migraines, anemia, vision problems can prevent him or her from doing well in class. Bearing all these in mind as some of the reasons why the child might be failing his or her exams then here are some helpful steps that might be of great benefit to assist the child; the major step involve a parent paying full attention to the child by getting really involve if possible be your child’s teach at home. Create time to study with the child after school in a relax atmosphere, make study interesting and guide your child. Take your findings to his/ her teacher and discuss how both parties can work together for the interest of the child. Learn to control your temper while teaching such a child; yelling at the child might plunge him/her in depression and you don’t want that. A reprimand might bring back focus in a negligent child but will harm a child with learning challenges. Get a psycho-educational analysis done by a trained specialist to find out the problem and identify weaknesses and strengths. Remember that your relationship with your child at this time will either make the child or break the child so it will be a good idea if you stay closer to your child, children feel confident knowing that their parents have their back at all times. Cheer up your child on any little progress or attempt made. Make the child feel that his situation does not make him or her less lovable to you. Moreover, make him talk; ask him if anything is troubling him don’t forget as young as they are children also have problems of their own just like you. Discuss with your child and listen to him or her while they talk. However, view your child’s failure as a realization that your child needs you. It can help you find something you had overlooked and correct it before it grows worse. Give a pep talk in the process, tell your child although things didn’t go as plan enhance forth you will work together from now on. Encourage him/her to view this as a wakeup call. Work closely with school, meet his/ her teachers to discuss the way forward for your child, become actively involved in your child’s schooling, trust me it might be very challenging if you have not been doing it but the final result is worth it. Also help to control the distractions for example you can reduce the time for television to weekends only, games can be kept to be given when you feel your child deserve it. The truth is this, try and find out what works for you. Encourage extra- curricular activities: yes a new successful activity can actually bring back motivation and focus in your child’s life. If your child decides to participate in school play it will mean more than just your signed approval slip. You might have to opt out from your car to pick him up after rehearsals. Your effort will pay dividend because if you support him and he does well, the “can do” attitude is likely going to spill off into his academics. Make your home a happy and supportive one because it helps children a lot. Finally acknowledge your child’s progress as you go along, congratulate the child this will help your child develop positive attitude. Failure can be a learning opportunity for both parent and a child. Reinforce this idea and help your child overcome obstacles. Take care of yourself and each other.
