Dear Harriet, God bless you more for your good work. Please I need your counsel; my wife is making trouble with me because of our female single neighbour who she claims have a crush on me. I have told my wife that there’s no such thing beside I don’t have anything to do with her, but she keep insisting. Please help me. Thanks. (Mr. Joshua. Abuja)
Thanks for sharing your story, I sincerely wish to hear from your wife because it will be nice to know more, any way since you are the victim here, hopefully my counsel might be helpful to you and your spouse. Joshua’s story was one of the several messages publish last week on my mail box section with his permission. Moving on, Crush can be regarded as a secret admirer and in most cases the person that is being admire might not know that this person have affection for him or her, often time it takes a third person or people around to spot it out, therefore a crush on someone does not counts as having a relationship. That your wife have observed certain awkward behaviour from the single female neighbour toward you does not mean that the feeling is reciprocal, she need to understand how you feel as well because when it comes to having a relationship it takes two to tangle, a situation where someone is affectionate without the knowledge of the other person is merely infatuation and should not start causing unnecessary problem between husband and wife especially when the man has told the wife that he doesn’t have any feelings whatsoever towards the person, your question might be, how am I sure there is nothing? Well as long as you did not notice the same attitude from him, it will be nice for you to trust and believe your husband because for a marriage to be successful there must be trust among other things, allowing this to be an issue in your home is not worth it, and in case as a wife you are considering confronting the lady about her having a crush on your husband, it is not necessary because you might just be exposing your marriage to other problem. Couples should be careful on the way the approach certain issues because when issues are not clear and address properly it can affect the relationship that they have. Here are ways to tackle crushes; effective communication is very important so talking with your spouse about your position on the issue must be stated clearly. Talking has way of clarifying assumptions. However the fact that your wife is insisting in spite of your explanation, if for any reason, families or friends are getting involved on the matter, to save your marriage you will have to approach the issue differently because from the reaction of your wife, it is certain that you might not be able to handle the situation on your own, so I will recommend you discuss booking an appointment to visit a trained counselor with her or talk to someone you can trust and feel entirely comfortable with. The person must be someone your wife respects and will listen to because the earlier you address this, the better before other problems will start springing up. In case you decide to see a counselor, it will be nice to know that a counselor will treat your issue in confidence, ask all the necessary personal questions, listen to both parties without being judgmental, explain the side effect of certain reactions and then offer solutions. Henceforth, try as possible to distance yourself from the lady now that it has been brought to your knowledge that she has a crush on you, avoid every contact with her so that your innocent genuine gesture or hospitality will not be mistaking for you leading her on. Problem shared is a problem half solved so take care of yourself and each other.
