Dear Harriet, I want to go into a relationship after a long break, please kindly counsel me on the common mistakes to avoid in dating. Thanks, Mr. David. Akwa.
Making up your mind to date again after a long break simply shows’s that you have actually overcome your past situation and that you are now prepared to open a new chapter. It is always good to be ready before going into a relationship because it helps you to avoid repeated occurrence of your previous experience. Relationships have its ups and down just like every other aspect of life don’t forget that it has to do with humans and by nature we are not perfect even with our strength everybody have their challenges but the ability to understand this fully puts us in a better position to learn to tolerant one and other not neglecting the golden rule which is “do unto others what you want them to do to you” great relationships don’t happen overnight – just like your daily chores, the need time, effort and dedication. Therefore relationship is an investment like a bank account what you put is what you get. Before I proceed on the topic at hand permit me to state that the counsel is not for children/ teenagers this clarification is important because I have young readers. For my young ones there is time for everything, concentrate on your goals and vision. Avoid every form of distractions because the sky is not just your limit rather it is your starting point. Moving on, As you work towards building a successful relationship is very important to note that there some common mistakes that should be avoided; hopefully this might be of great benefit for you who have been off relationship for a long time, also for those who are of age and feel that it is time for them to start a relationship. Firstly as you are on a first date with your friend try to be yourself, avoid putting up appearance to suit the person. Since it’s your first time of having a conversion with the person don’t volunteer too much information up front because when you share too much on at the beginning it’s as if you are verbally pouring out too much words on the person and most times it puts people off. Instead make your first date short and causal. Most people make the most ridiculous mistake on their first outing, they get really intense so as a result they start asking deep questions and staying up late trying to know everything in one day. Allow things to progress gradually, give yourself curfew if the date is in the evening, it shows a sense of responsibility and respect.
Let go of your past; most times people term to bring their pervious baggage to their present relationship and this affect the way and manner the handle their relationship. Whatever you might have gone through is in the past now leave it in the past, learn from it and move on beside this person is different with his or her unique qualities. Avoid comparing note and assumptions rather give the person the opportunity to prove him or herself. Keep an open mind.
Next is personal space; no matter how excited and in love you are it is very important for everyone to have their space. Accepted that at the beginning of a relationship all you want is to spend most of your time with the person, countless visit, constant text messages, and endless phone calls and so on. Enjoying each other’s company is not a bad idea but with caution because as the relationship advances someone will start feeling choke by the whole scene and might need his or her space; to be left alone to do things on their own. Most people no matter what, just love their space sometimes. Understanding this factor will be of great help in sustaining relationships.
Another point is that you must get a life; for some people once they are involve in a relationship the put their lives on hold, they have become so consumed with finding someone to meet their needs and give them a sense of significance, as a result they have lost their identity, things that matters to them becomes irrelevant as long as it is not in line with their partner or friend all in the name of been in a relationship. While you are going into a relationship or you are in a relationship get grounded it is the foundation for getting a life. It is all about having a solid identity and sense of self, know who you are, appreciate the fact that you are complete and whole. What makes relationships thrive is when both parties have a life. When you have a life of your own, you are attractive to others. In addition avoid unnecessary jealousy; the feeling of wanting to know the happenings in your friend or partner’s life. Checking his /her phone, getting worked up over every move (insecurity) can put off someone. Take the relationship one day at a time and allow it to grow naturally don’t force it. To be continued
