Good day Harriet, I am 38 years please I want to learn how to forgive people because my problem is that I really don’t know how to forgive and let go. This has been a big issue in my pervious relationship which I regret daily. I hope for another chance as a result I will like you to please throw more light on the issue of forgiveness, I need it seriously. Thanks (Kingsley A. Port Harcourt.)
In some way people have wronged us or we have wrong people either through words or action. (Leaving the person with pain, resentment, bitterness) Forgiveness is when the person that is hurt has decided to let go, after an apology has been made. Note it is a personal decision to let go of the pain, bitterness that the action has caused. Forgiveness makes you feel relief, it’s like a heavy weight has been lifted off your heart. Don’t forget when you bear grudges you are actually the person that is putting his/her health in danger, therefore when you forgive, you are helping yourself; it make way for kindness and compassion. Reduce anxiety, stress and hostility. It also helps to reduce the intake of alcohol and abusive substances to easy of the painful, hurt or situation. Forgiving the person does not make the offence right or that you accept the wrong action instead it is a way of peace with yourself and the person. How to forgive and let go; sometimes we find it difficult to let go despite the fact that we claim to have forgiven our offender. Like some people will say, I can forgive but I cannot forget. To forget what was said or the action that was carried out, or pretend that it never happened is not true because the word or action indeed took place so for you to let go which is regarded forgetting, the following steps should be put into consideration; talk about how the word or action has affected you, it could be your friend, your family member, your worker, and so on. Make your message clear; pour out your emotion freely. Avoid violence because it is not the best way of resolving issue, don’t be in denial, tell the person your pain, bitterness, and resentment. On the other hand if writing them down will make you feel better why not. The main issue here is that you need to let it out from your mind so that you can get rid of the whole issue faster and move on. Because the sooner you forgive and let go the better for you as a person. As a matter of fact think right, speak right and act right; Think right; changing your perspective about the person is very important way to let go. Release the person from your heart, let go of the part of you that hates the other person or wishes him or her harm, dead or failure because if you keep holding on to these negative feelings then the will affect your own life and make it hard for you to find happiness, remember nobody is allowed to make you unhappy unless you allow it. Speak right; discuss your hurt or pain freely, let the person know how much pain their action or words have caused you, some people might not realize their offence until they are told. We differ in our personality so when we say speak right, it simply means talk about the matter, iron things out freely, accept apology if ask and let go. Don’t talk about the issue again since you have forgiven the person. Act right; let your action show that you have forgiven. When you see the person try to be normal, agree it might not be the same immediately depending on the offence but let’s face it you have decided to forgive the person so to let go, show kindness to the person. Your action on the long run is what tells if you have actually “let go” there’s a popular saying that “action speaks louder than words”. Make the person feel welcome, don’t bring up the issue again, even when the person out of guilty and is working hard to gain your trust again try not to make reference to the past. Kindly discourage and reassure the person that the issue is by gone. However, focus on the goals you want to meet in future that will improve your life instead of spending energy and time worrying over how somebody who  has wronged you. Continue to work on yourself. Improve those things you want to work on and see how much better you feel as you become a more caring, compassionate, well rounded person. You have made a choice to forgive and forget. You should be proud of yourself for taking such a step not minding whether the person deserves it or not. The truth is that some people cannot change no matter what you say or do, simply because of their mind-set, people who have certain way of doing things not putting others into consideration, so the only way to forgive such people when the hurt you is to learn to understand and tolerate them. On the other hand, if you decide to hold a grudge, the effect is that you might pay the price repeated without knowing it by bring bitterness and anger into every relationship and new experience you encounter because of your action. In some cases, your life might become so wrapped up in the wrong that you cannot enjoy the present which can affect your health. As Ann Landers often said “hate is like an acid. It damages the vessel in which it is stored, and destroys the vessel on which it is poured”.  Forgive and let go so that you can move on with your life, it gives you a clear understanding of different personalities, appreciating people strength and weaknesses.A problem shared is a problem half solved.
