Career is regarded as an occupation or profession that require training with expectation to grow in knowledge and the respective fields . The rub for married couples is when career decisions of one spouse conflict or compete with the family responsibilities, or the career of the other spouse. Spouse in the process of building their career, or going after their dream with all passion, might not notice how much their marriage or family is hurting in this process. Some careers may put a marriage at risk because they are time consuming.for example, spending more time at work and less time with the family, if caution is not taking the job becomes a mistress or an addiction as the case may be. As a result for some men /women because they spend high percentage of their times at work spouse spend most time at work, always relate freely with colleague in some cases for some people the workplace provides the temptation to pursue an extramarital affair. The question that comes to mind is, so with so much stress and so much expectation to perform at work, how can you be sure you have the proper balance in your marriage? Well, here’s a quick few questions to ask yourself that will help you identify whether your relationships is becoming lower on your priorities list:
What if our careers create conflict between u
- Does your career require time commitment significantly over 40 hours per week?
- Does your career require a lot of out of town travel? You always on the go, spending little or no time with your family, yes the income might be very good but is it balanced?’ Do you know your children well enough and do they know you, are you there for them at the moment they need you most, (talk on)
- Is your career so foreign to your spouse that it’s hard to share the nature of your work, at least in a general way? how well does your spouse know your job.
- Does your spouse’s work setting put him/her in frequent, intense working relationships with the opposite sex? Does your job expose you to temptation from they opposite sex- talk on it with examples.
Are your marital commitment and boundaries clear? Explain with examples
Does the workplace support your marriage or put it at risk? Explain with examples
Signs that might indicate that Your Work May Be Taking Over Your Relationship.
1) Has your sex life taken even a small turn downhill lately because of late night projects?
2) When you talk to your spouse do you also think about things at work?
3) Do you find yourself distracted at home by stuff going on at work?
4) Does your spouse seem to get bored, irritated or stressed when you talk about your job?
5) Are you spending longer hours at work and not coordinating with your spouse how to handle these schedule changes?
Final remark: If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, your work life may be hurting your marriage. So what are some things you can do to balance having a career and a good, healthy marriage at the same time?
How Work Can Affect Your Marriage
Although you usually develop your relationship and your career separately, we all know through experience that they are connected. The quality of your love life will affect your work. If you’re feeling stressed about your relationship, you will be on edge at work and will be less productive. If you’re feeling great about your partner, you will sail through your day at work. The opposite is also true. How your work is going will affect your relationship. This shouldn’t be surprising because most people spend more time at work than they spend awake with their spouse! If you are happy with your work, that will enhance your relationship. You will probably be in a good mood when you get home. You will be relatively relaxed and will have an enjoyable evening with your spouse. On the other hand, if your job is sheer drudgery, you will probably be stressed when you get home from work. You might spend your evening in a bad mood and complain about work. Nature of your job: if you job is very demanding and on your own part you want to give it all , if not manage properly can really affect a lot in your marriage, for example to your knowledge your children and spouse may be neglected. Children and spouse not in full communication and relationship with you because you are giving all your time and attention to your job.
Lack of family quality time
The affairs of the home become solely in the hands of the nannies, for example some nannies are so into the children because the mother at home, is so busy building up their dream job, for better pay to assist the family financial, to give the children the best of everything, some parents in this process loose their children while those who are working but still in full control impact self worth and so on in their children.
If not manage properly can affect their love life- which may lead to infidelity in marriage, for the children issues of sexual abuse within or outside the family.
If not manage properly can also affect lead to health issues.
Next step
Some mothers may choose to stay at home and adopt the traditional homemaker role. Others might prefer to work outside home, living life to its full potential. When choosing between staying at home and working outside, mothers tend to analyze what’s best for their children. There can be both negative and positive effects of working mothers on their children. While working moms can teach their children some invaluable life skills, they can also make the child feel neglected at times.
Positive Impact on kids
A stay at home mom who is unhappy with her life cannot be a positive influence in her kids’ lives. A working mother with some sense of accomplishment and satisfaction can serve as a good role model for her kids. Children can get inspired to pursue their dreams and ambition. Moms who effectively manage work and family can instill good work ethic into their kids. They could especially help their daughters break stereotypes and work for whatever they wish to accomplish in life.
Working mothers have to manage a plethora of activities. They encourage their kids to take responsibility. With both parents working, each family member has to play a more active role. Kids learn skills that they would not learn otherwise. Raising independent children prepares them for the real world and inculcates in them sense of responsibility.
Working moms spend quality time with their kids to compensate for the amount of time they do not spend together. Kids also look forward to spending time with their parents. They do not take their mother’s attention for granted. Children of a stay-at-home mom might get used to their mom’s attention round the clock and fail to acknowledge her efforts.
The financial benefits that come with having both parents work, such as going to good schools and pursuing extra-curricular interests can inculcate a sense of security in kids.
Negative Impact on kids
Poor-quality day care services can hamper a child’s emotional and social development. Under-qualified and over-burdened staff and poor facilities at the daycare can affect your child’s physical and psychological health.
Spouse might feel over-burdened and weary of trying to balance work and family. If moms bring their frustration home, children could develop a negative attitude. They could perceive her work as a source of distress for their family.
Mothers, in spite of having their kid’s best interests at heart, might fail to provide their kids a safe emotional outlet. They might not be enthusiastic to hear their kids’ issues after a hectic day at work. Kids in such cases could resort to finding an outlet elsewhere or simply feel that their parents are not interested in their lives.
Problems can arise between parents over the building a career and neglecting the home front Such parental conflict can adversely affect children. It could damage their self-esteem and make them insecure.
A stay-at-home mom who is unhappy about her situation cannot be an ideal mother. On the other hand, many mothers would find contentment in staying at home with their kids. The most important factors of a child’s development and well-being are the mother’s sense of fulfillment and quality of time spent together. If a working mom can ensure that her kids are well loved and well cared for, then she ought not to feel guilty about anything. It is the quality of parenting that counts. Women can be good mothers regardless of whether they stay at home or work outside.
Saturday 4th week:
The balancing act is often not easy. It’s a matter of discernment and juggling. Following are some helpful tips on how to balance your career and marriage.
How to Balance Your Marriage and Your Career
1) Monitor Your Work Hours. Research shows that when one spouse works 45 or more hours per week, marital happiness takes a marked decline. Monitor your work hours and make sure you’re not overworking yourself. If you’re working 50 plus hours a week, you’re going to really struggle having a properly balanced career and marriage. It’s still possible to have a good relationship but it will require more than what I can offer on this post.
2) Ask Yourself Why You Break Work/Home Boundaries. Find out what it is exactly about your work that makes you break work/home boundaries. This usually boils down to needs. For example, you may need to feel like you’re working your hardest often at your own expense in order to feel like you’re being a good employee. Needs aren’t bad per se. They’re only bad when you take them to an extreme to get them fulfilled by,say,working 65 hour work weeks so your boss sees your hard work and validates you. There are other ways to get them fulfilled without hurting your marriage or yourself.
3) Identify How Your Spouse Can Validate Your Work Needs. After you’ve identified your needs that are being fulfilled by working so hard, identify how you can get these needs fulfilled by your spouse and mention it to them. For example, if you feel you need to work hard to feel like an adequate provider, you could ask your spouse to confirm to you that you’re an adequate provider in areas at home like helping the kids with the homework or when you help around the house.
4) Tell Your Boss. Go to your boss and let them know that you’re feeling stress at home because of overworking. If you have a good boss, they will be open to this feedback and cooperatively negotiate something that is beneficial for both of you. If you have a bad boss, they will probably tell you to stick it and get back to work. Sometimes there really are bad jobs. In this case it’s easy to identify where the problem is coming from. Begin looking for a new job pronto and ask your spouse to be patient with you until you do.
5) Followup and Reassess as Necessary. Lastly, follow-up with your spouse and your boss after a couple weeks and make sure that everything is going okay with them. Tweak the plan as necessary and be flexible to new ideas. Every plan changes over time. Yours will too.
You Won’t Regret Being More Available to Your Spouse and Kids
One last parting thought: I’ve never heard of someone wishing on their death bed that they would have spent more time at work. I’ve also never heard of someone resenting their spouse because they spent too much time with them. Balance between a marriage and a career are important and rewarding for you and your family. After all, jobs come and go but your spouse and family shouldn’t.
