Dear Harriet, my partner and I have been going out for some years now he is famous for his fiery outburst, he recently lost his cool with my child hood friend who is like a sister to me. please what should I do because his behaviour is getting in the way of our relstionship, although he is a very nice person but I am always embrassed by his outburst. Help me. (Name withheld by email – Lagos)
Thanks for your email, your situation is a very challenging one but seeking advice on how to deal with the issue at hand is a brilliant step and I must commend you. understanding anger is the first step to take because when you know what anger on it’s own is about will then take you to ways to tackle anger. Anger is often caused by unhappiness and frustration. Now that we have define anger let your partner know you truly understand his situation, this will make him feel heard and calm in the situation. On your part to be able to try this point require patient from you bearing in mind that you are trying to assist him. Next is to study him well to know when and what he gets angry about, so if they have triggers identify them and work on them. Take for example if he gets angry when you are late, try to let him know that you will be running late at least that will put him at rest. Learn to always interact with him, maintatin an effective communication line in the process be a good listener as well and take corrections easily. Try to avoid discussing important issues with him when he is tired or distracted. In addition is the use of calming techniques; discuss how his situation is affecting you and your relationship then ask him how you can be of help- this will make him see that there are practical strategies. Encourage him to learn relaxation techniques for example the breathing from the stomach repeating “ calm down” in his mind as many times as possible. The counting method from one to twenty is also another steps that helps to bring the person out of angry state if observe properly. You will have to set boundaries ; by so doing it serve as guide for him to understand that there is a limint you can take. Don’t accept threatening behaviour rather be clear about the way it makes you feel and refuse to discuss the matter until he has calm down. This will teach him that if he want to talk about a problem, or an action that you carried out which didn’t go down well with him, he will need to address the situation in an adult manner. If you have tried every mention tips and he still behave the same way, advice him to seek professional assistant cause in some situations in dealing with temper the person will have to go through a proper therapy, where a trained counselor will take them on so that they can be in total control of their emotion instead of their emtion controlling them. Note the counselor is not there to judge or condemn you rather he/she is to guide you through and provide all the necessary help you need. To be completed for publication.
