Dear Harriet, it has being a struggle for me raising two wonderful children after a painful separation. He walked out of our marriage to live with another lady who he claims is carrying his child. It wasn’t easy at the beginning I must confess because I did not see it coming, gradually I am trying hard to accept my new status and move on with life so please I need your counsel on how to cope as a single mother. Thanks (Ms Edith A. Lagos)
Bringing up children as a single mother can be stressful, considering the fact that most of the responsibility lays on you alone, although some have little or no support from their ex as the case may be. A single mother is face with a lot of challenges both personal and otherwise. Before we go further it will be nice for us to actually look at some of the reasons why some women are single today. Single parenthood may happen because of divorce, separation, death, or may be that a woman has a child outside marriage. Regardless of the circumstances surrounding the family situation, single motherhood comes with its own unique sets of joy and challenges, for example a single mother is face with a lot of decisions that have to be made without the consultation of another partner, too many jobs to be done by one person. A lot of tensions and frustrations that only have intermediate solutions. Moreover, single parents in general and their children are face with monumental challenges and obstacles, some that are confronted immediately while others develop over a longer period of time. Among these are; financial struggle, academic problems, behavioural problems, and sexual activity.
Financial struggle and Health care: most single mothers often experience the stress of financial strain especially if they do not have support from an ex-spouse in the aspect of child support or alimony. The issue of health care is also not left out.
However this is probably the biggest challenge of all that you are going to face as you go alone. It is very easy to feel overwhelmed and resentful about your situation, especially if you did not ask for it. Trust me, you will have less personal time, you are solely responsible for your children’s needs and may be having additional financial stress. As a matter of fact, these are all the issues that can be dealt with, the get a lot easier as you adapt. Resenting your situation will make it harder for you to cope with and won’t help you or your children to come to terms with your new lives. Therefore it is wise to take each day as it comes, with a good financial plan. And for those who were sole dependant on their spouse, empower yourself so that you can meet up with your present situation financially. Another issue that single mothers have to battle with in the aspect of their children’s change of behaviour  academic performance don’t forget children are not like adult who can control their emotions. Some youth exhibit behavioral problems in the wake of their parent’s separation and divorce. They may start smoking or drinking. They may start missing lessons. Some may have trouble getting along with their peers. Others may become disrespectful. Such behaviour is often an expression of anger or confusion, a response to the emotional turmoil they feel –but cannot adequately express it because of their family situation. Furthermore It is very important that clear information must be giving to children in this situation because in most cases some children see’s themselves as they cause of divorce/separation. If not some of them in terms of having a relationship, are most likely to have more sex partners by the time they are of age. These are among the challenges that single mothers are face with but in the mix of all this your children’s fate are not in the hands of man to decide but God that is why you find that a single mother who puts her trust in God and work in his ways, applying all the necessary tool required as a single mother does not labour in vain. Therefore, here are more tips to help single mothers. Be free and open with your children; you need each other, encourage everyone in your family to express themselves as freely as possible. By being approachable and honest to yourself, as matter of fact you can help you children adjust to the situation and let them know that they can trust you. Try to encourage effective communication, note to some this might take time- in some cases, the children might not be willing to talk for a while, don’t panic or worry, keep being open and free mind with them and in no time they will open up. Beside you can seek professional help if necessary. Get organized: this is another golden rule. Let me share this write up with you which were written by a single mother. The more in control of your new situation you feel the better. “I really struggled to begin with. I just felt overwhelmed by everything. Trying to make money, look after the kids, does the housework-it was too much. I slowly realized that a lot of my problems were down to the fact that I was totally disorganized. This was making me feel depressed. It sounds stupid, but when I started doing things like getting the kids uniforms ready the night before, making sure the kitchen was tidy before I went to bed, having a drawer for all my documents, little things like this started to help me feel in control of my situation. I must admit, sometimes I still let things slip- it can be tiring but I force myself to get back on top of things as I know it is for the best for my children. In all this also remember to create time for yourself, you need your moment or call it me-time. When you sit back and relax, do what you enjoy most to cool off. Yes, you are busy taking care of everyone but yourself so threat yourself from time to time and be happy, don’t forget nobody has the right to make you sad unless you permit them. Also try to be there for your children emotionally when you are with them. It helps a lot. Finally, please note, we are not promoting single parenthood, we are only providing the necessary counseling for those who find themselves in this situation to be able to deal with their present state. Don’t be scared of the future, most single mothers are afraid of the unknown. Yes your new situation comes with greater challenge. whole load of positives as well as negatives but being single mother does not put an end to your world. Hard work and determination will make you and your children succeed.
A problem shared is a problem half solved. Take care of yourself and each other.
