Hello Harriet please when should I start talking to my children about sexuality, sex and how do I go about it. I am worried because I notice my fourteen year old daughter is beginning to pay so much attention to her looks and this troubles my heart, please help me! Anonymous (Lekki-Lagos)
Thanks for your Saturday 31st write up in The Nation Newspaper. I am a single dad and my ten years old girl is talking about periods, should I go teach her or wait till then. Unknown. You are not the only one that is going through this challenge as a matter of fact, you will be glad to know that I have been receiving lot of test messages, emails, and phone calls asking me to write excessively on this issue of sexuality and sex education. Explaining to parents /guardian on when to start talking about it to their children, how to start the conversation, and what exactly they need to know. Due to popular demand I then decide to visit sexuality and sex education. Bearing in mind that sexuality, relationship and sex is a very important aspect of life that must be discussed. I must thank all those who have requested for this topic to be treated fully because this is a very important aspect of growing up that if not handle properly will lead to a lot of problems in future. A sociologist Brent Miller reported that the more openly parents discussed their sex-related values and beliefs with their children, the less their children will display either negative sexual attitudes or promiscuous sexual behahviour. Most parents did not learn about sexuality and sex from their parents and thus lack to be role models in the aspect of discussing sexuality and sex to their own children. They often perceive themselves to be uninformed about sex education; they may also be confused about the sexual values they wish to communicate to their children. Others think that talking to children about sexuality and sex will encourage them to experiment or engage in sex. Just because they are curious about sexuality and sex does not necessarily mean that they are interested in having sex, even research has also shown that children who are well inform hardly go the wrong way because they are well informed. Children as we all know are greatly influenced more by the words parents speak to them and about them more than the gifts we give to them. Let’s set our priorities right by lavishing our children with the right information about sexuality and sex. We live in a world that revolves around a three letter word “sex” from religion to entertainment just name it, they all revolve around “sex”. for example to be a great sport’s man you are expected to be a sex symbol and today to have a wide audience listening to you there is a need to exude the sex symbol status. Due to our pervasive interest, society uses sex in many ways. It is one of the constant theme to which persons of all ages are exposed. Sex is used to sell music, adverts, and clothes to teenagers, movies, health and fitness equipment and many other items. This phenomenon has only increased over the years aided by the technology world. Sex is one people find a little hard to publicly talk about but an act most indulgently practiced by many. Previously sex was the exclusive preserve of the matured and married but today it’s been” HIJACKED” by the young, immature, unmarried persons. The talk is everywhere trust me, it is very intriguing and different aspects of our lives revolve around it, therefore, parents/guardian are like people at a crossroad or torn between the twin devils of talking about sex or not talking about it. Talking about sexuality and sex to our children remain the best solution because children who don’t find answers at home gets the wrong information from their peers , television, magazines, etc. Moreover, we can assist our children deal with this issue of sexuality and sex by starting to talk to them about the topic when they are very young. Some children at the age of three-four start asking question like, where do babies come from? Can daddies have babies? Don’t shut them down or lie to them. Instead give them simple and clear truthful answers. Explain to them by simply saying that when they grow up and get married then they can start making babies, tell them where babies come from because that is where they came from. Explain to them that daddies are not created by God to have babies. Let them know that now they are babies mummy and daddy have to take care of them and that when they get older they will have their own babies to take care of. Children at this stage are very curious; all you need do is to always communicate with them in a simple and clear language for them to understand. More so, tell and explain to them all the parts of their bodies. Mention the right names of every part of the body to them; please don’t try to modernize the names because when children are not use to saying freely the parts of their bodies it might stand as a huge challenge to them when they are face with sexually related problems. Teach them what healthy touches are and unhealthy touches. Healthy touches are hugs, pecks, handshakes, part on the back while unhealthy touches are kisses, explain to them the parts of their body that nobody should touch them, also tell them no sitting on anybody ‘s lap, encourage them to report to mummy or daddy any unhealthy touch, or talk said or done to them by anybody. Tell them what friendship at their level is all about, reassure them that they are loved dearly therefore they should not allow anybody scare them. Emphasis on self-respect, abstinence and others. As parents /guardians we should not wait for our children to start asking questions before we teach them about all that they need to know about their bodies and how it must be respected. Start talking while they are very young, don’t miss next edition because I will be writing about the next stage (eight year- above)
To be continued
